NYSE Begins Stocking Virgins for Potential Terrorist Attack, Does Not Allow Us To Sample The Goods

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Yesterday we mentioned that there would be a bunch of bikini-clad babes courtesy of American Eagle Outfitters at 11 Wall Street, in honor of AE’s move to the NYSE, for a “spring break” kick-off bacchanal whatever type thing. We also said that we’d be heading down there with a camera and SPF 20 and would report our findings. Unfortunately, AE apparently wasn't up for having its models freeze in bathing suits and dressed them in shorts, polos, etc and, more significantly, we vastly underestimated the extent to which John Thain sucks, and hadn’t remembered to steal the necessary Exchange ID we were asked for upon arrival on the scene. Luckily, my roommate and I’ve been supplementing our yoga classes with a little kickboxing, and I performed a successful bob and weave on the security guard standing between me and the tent o’ fun (or what I imagine most of you would find fun—the models were approximately 14-16 years old, and there was ping pong, mini golf, and tiny bottles of orange juice and water as far as they eye could see). Successful until he grabbed the hood on my coat and pulled me back behind the metal barrier, all the while with a sadistic smile on his face because someone had bestowed him with the power to keep me and the other civilians from playing ping pong with a bunch of fourteen year old models. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I LOVE PING PONG. So the final blow was when some chump trader walked by me, flashed the necessary ID, and told whoever was on the other end of his Blackberry, “I’m going to kick this little girl’s ass at table tennis.”
However! A sleuthful reader friend, Brian Van, was good enough to go combat style outside the tent, snapped some pictures of some frightened looking ladies and sent them in. They’re after the jump. And since the so-called fête of the year will be going on until 1, those of you down there have T-60 minutes to make good use of your credentials, and send us your best shots. We’ll put them up as they come in.

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