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Happier Feet

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It might take a little while to get used to a guy in a referee outfit selling you a pair of shoes at Johnston & Murphy, but Foot Locker has made a $1.2bn bid for fellow footwear retailer Genesco. Foot Locker bid $46 a share but may have to up its offer since Genesco’s (NYSE: GCO) share price has spiked 13% to over $49. Foot Locker (NYSE: FL) is up almost 4% today. Foot Locker is about 4 times larger than Genesco in terms of revenue, and owns about twice as many stores. The move would strategically reduce Foot Locker’s dependence on athletic footwear and diversify its customer base across a wider demographic range. This is because Genesco owns a series of insanely “targeted” retail chains, with websites plucked from the hall of bad marketing clichés. You can check out each site individually here. A probing look into the brands of Genesco:
Journeys – Like a bad report card, Journeys embodies “An Attitude You Can Wear.” Journeys uses “Fashion savvy and merchandising science [Quaaludes and a dart board] to keep in step with the fast-paced footwear [Nikes, but oooooold Nikes] and accessories [gonorrhea] market for 13-to-22 [8-12] year old men and women… The Journeys store is more than a retail environment [for nickel bags]; it's an extension of the customer's lifestyle [vocational prep school]. From cool lighting [can you smoke halogen?] to in-store television monitors [the future is here!] playing fresh content and the latest music videos [Fergie doing a version of Alanis' "My Humps"], to employees whose lifestyle [different because they're slightly older but the same because they live with their parents] and self-image [those board shorts don't make you look fat] match their customers'..."
Journeys Kidz – Because your Pull-Ups need to be connected by a chain to your overalls. Sellz “big kidz shoes in little kidz sizes,” and a complete line of Tony Hawk Condomz, “prophylacticz for kidz who want to have zex.”
Johnston & Murphy – “Continues [we 'll stay relevant if we wish it] to appeal to successful, affluent men [who can’t afford a real pair of shoes] with a broad array of footwear and accessories [I can’t believe it’s not pleather!] appropriate for professional working environments [that love harness comes in a size 8].” The site emphasizes the fact that J&M has locations in 10 airports and a branch next to an Orange Julius at the King of Prussia Mall.
Lids – Like a shoe you wear on your head, Linds headwear is perfect for people who casually wear Under Armour, carry around aluminum bats and commit petty theft in convenience stores.
Underground Station – Had a long day on the Underground Railroad? Get off at the Underground Station, yo! If you want to laugh uncontrollably at how old white men in suits define black people, read our marketing materials. The definition these days apparently is: “A brand-conscious consumer with a high-fashion mindset who values cutting-edge styles and the latest brands,” and someone who is “culturally diverse” and “urban.”
Dockers Footwear – Portly white consumer, if you made a wrong turn and ended up in Underground Station, we’re sorry, but now you’re home. “Dockers Footwear fills another important niche [the "I could get laid on a cable car at any time" niche] by offering men aged 30 to 55 [a place to park their man-FUPA] superior styling, quality and value in moderately priced casual fashion.”
Foot Locker Makes $1.2 Billion Offer for Genesco – [Bloomberg]