House of Windsor: Hemophilia? No Biggie. Sexually-Charged Massages with Minors? Get out of town

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A new layer from the Onion o’ Epstein was peeled this weekend and, unsurprisingly, it connects The Man with Strong Proclivities for Both Fourteen Year Old Girls and Spa Treatments with the British Royal family. Turns out that Jeffrey Espstein, the guy whose police report necessitated smoking at least one cigarette after reading, is best buds with Prince Andrew—and the Brits are shocked and appalled (that they didn’t get some PR flak to bury the story sooner.) The bosom buddies were reportedly introduced by mutual friend Ghislaine Maxwell (who probably has her own cornucopia of what narrow-minded individuals might call “issues”). Andrew has shacked up at Epstein’s New York pleasure palace “at least twice”; Epstein has reportedly stayed at one of the Prince’s family’s homes—Sandringham—and “holidayed” with him in Thailand.
The Royals are apparently “troubled” by Epstein’s lifestyle, and especially by the photographs that were taken of Andrew surrounded by topless ladies on a yacht while he was on vacation with The Ep. They will likely schedule a sit-down between the Queen and her Second Greatest Disappointment (no one bounces back from marrying Camilla Parker Bowles, ever), to cut the grown man off at the knees (though they’ll pronounce it ‘shedj-yool,’ just to be contrary).
Prince Andrew's billionaire friend is accused of preying on girl of 14 [Daily Mail]
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