Carl Icahn Knows How We Like To Be Touched

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It’s a little upsetting to find out that one’s publicly professed deity includes the bit “A thief stole my wife's credit card, but I didn't report it. Guess why? The thief spends less than my wife!" in his set of “favorite” jokes. The chafing is slightly salved when reminded that the fallen god has previously told adversaries, “You’ll never work on Wall Street again” and “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” purposely “mangles” people names, and once told Ken Moelis, chief of investment banking at UBS that he was a “Mollusk.” But that’s nothing compared to the sunshine on one’s face that is this:

The hottest investor in America [Fortune]

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When Mark Hughs founded a multi-level marketing company called Herbalife in 1980, he probably thought it had the power to do a lot of things. Help people lose weight. Makes others rich. Shake up the diet industry. What he mostly likely did not expect, however, was that his li'l company that could would reignite a feud between two billionaires that would devolve into a flurry of press releases quibbling over who was dying to be friends with whom, shouting matches on live TV, and, we predict, someone telling someone else he has a right mind to "Rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You messed with the wrong hedge fund manager!"

Much Like Alexander The Great, Carl Icahn Is Not Content To Rest On His Many Laurels

"You know who I can relate to? I’m nothing like Alexander the Great and I don’t want it to be misconstrued that way, but I was reading his biography and I can relate to one aspect about the guy. He could have stayed in Persia and had a nice life. Instead, he went off and fought a new fight. That’s how I can relate. I don’t like just sitting there. I enjoy the hunt much more than the “good life” after the victory." [BreakingViews via BI]