Daily Worker Demands Excellence From Hedge Funds

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Yesterday, CNBC offered us the unwelcome news that CEOs are going to have to start earning their keep (moral and performance accountability if you can believe that) if they want to stay in the good graces of their shareholders and in their jobs. Today, New York Times columnist (and probable communist) David Leonhardt basically tells us the same thing (for the purpose of this post), vis-a-vis hedge funds: shape up or ship out. But he doesn't just want the average hedge funds to just improve their returns, he wants them to improve them to insanely high, going to happen when small-mouthed-bass-rule-the-earth levels.
Leonhardt is losing sleep over a 2 and 20 and the fact that, "in a good year, a fund's managers bring in stunning amounts of money, and in a bad year, they still do very well." He has a problem with hedge fund people not being served a hard dose of reality (no paychecks for you) when they fail to be anything but flat (like the average have for the last several years). Leonhardt is taking out a campaign against the combination of extraordinary pay and ordinary performance. Raymond T. Dalio, who made $350 million last year after his fund, Bridgewater Associates earned a net return of less than 4% (in '05 and '06) should fry. Goldman, raking in the fees despite its flagship hedge fund losing 6% in 2006 should be torched to the ground.
All of this malarky serves to get Leonhardt riled up and brings him to the conclusion that today's hedge fund managers are only worth it "if they deliver the sort of performance that Mr. Simons has." That's right: you're not worth jack unless your top guy matches Papa Bear's personal $1.7 billion/year. If you can't do that, wind things down and put in an application at Kinkos. (It may be of interest to note that Mr. Leonhardt was an applied mathematics major at Yale, which could account for some, though not all, of his quazy quant ideas).
It seems like everywhere we turn, we're being told to try and be better, to try and be the best, to try and be more like your brother, Noah (stop yelling at me!). We can't speak for Tom Hudson, but, to us, this seems to be asking too much.
Worth a Lot, but Are Hedge Funds Worth It? [NYT]


Woman Whose Ex-Hedge Fund Husband Demanded A Cut Of Her Shoes Just Rubbing It In His Face At This Point

Back in June, hedge fund manager Daniel Shak sued his ex-wife, Beth, over assets he claimed she'd hid during the couple's divorce. Said assets were Beth's shoes, which Daniel alleged were kept in a "secret room" and were worth approximately $1 million, 35 percent of which he wanted. It was a bit unclear as to why he was going after the footwear collection three years after the two split (though using the proceeds to relaunch his fund was a possibility) but the heart wants what the heart wants. Anyway, today brings just a couple follow-ups on the Shaks, both of which are slightly more exciting for Beth than Dan. 1. He won't see a single pair of Loubs. A civil suit brought by poker professional Dan Shak against his ex-wife, fellow poker pro Beth Shak, regarding her extensive shoe collection was dismissed in a court in New York after Mr. Shak advised his attorneys that he didn’t want to pursue the issue any further...the opening arguments apparently doomed the case in the eyes of the male Shak. Ms. Shak testified to Judge Daniele that her shoe fetish grew as a response to repeated denials of emotional attention from Mr. Shak. “I would not call these shoes a collection, I would call them a sickness at a particular point in my life,” Beth Shak testified to Judge Daniele as she recounted how Dan Shak would refuse her attempts at romantic encounters, according to the Post. “I tried to get him to go to therapy with me, but it just didn’t work,” the Post quotes Ms. Shak as testifying. “I was so unhappy with my marriage that all I did was shop. There was nothing to our relationship…he and I had nothing.” Further into her testimony to the court, Ms. Shak stated that not only did Mr. Shak know about the shoes but even signed off on all the bills as they came before him. After a break following Ms. Shak’s testimony, Mr. Shak apparently had a change of heart regarding the lawsuit. His attorneys informed Judge Daniele that their client wanted to withdraw the case, which Judge Daniele quickly granted. Looking square at Mr. Shak as she dismissed the case, Judge Daniele is quoted by the Post as stating, “Well, thanks for wasting everybody’s time.” 2. She's going into the shoe business! Now that that the suit is over, Shak, who has an image of a pair of Louboutons tattooed just below her waist, is concentrating one what's next — the launch her own line of shoes. Dan Shak Drops Lawsuit Against Beth Shak Following Opening Arguments [PND] Sexy Singles 2012: Beth Shak [Philly]