Impossible is Nothing REMIX

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Meet John D. Villarreal, Esq - successful lawyer, investment banker, venture capitalist, retail broker, TV/Radio personality, reporter, political consultant, professional trainer, motivational speaker, power lifter, athlete, dungeon master, alter boy and farm-hand. Learn about these amazing accomplishments to a blistering techno groove.
The best, most informative part of Villarreal's interactive flash resume is the very last "Personal Bio" section. Some highlights:

Personal Bio
John grew up on a farm with all the farm animals you could think of [wombats , unicorns] and had a rural delivery (RD) box as opposed to a mailing address [do you know how freaking difficult it is to have an Asian pen-pal with a RD box?!]. At home, John and all his brothers and sisters helped out on the farm working all 256 acres [not an acre less, although acres 137-186 were always a little touch and go]. John was very good at working [like a scorned New Zealander] with the horses, sheep and growing crops [the other things he was very bad at working].
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Interestingly [really ?], from a very young age, around 4 or 5 [3 or 6], John had been fascinated with business, stocks, politics, technology and sports [dinosaurs]. He often would play with early-version computers or Dungeons and Dragons [he ’s a lvl 7 half-elf sorcerer wielding a mighty vorpal Tandy 1000 + 1]… John also read many books on investing and building businesses or lifting weights [master of the pump and dump].
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The bio goes on and on, but more highlights after the jump...
JDV, John D. Villarreal, Esq. [Humbling Flash Resume]


More from the Personal Bio:

They (John and his brother Paul) also studied Ninjitsu extensively [watched the TMNT cartoon] and would often have impromptu sparring or breaking competitions &/or weapons training with either bought or often hand-made weapons [things are often either bought or made, or neither, like large sticks]. Although, nothing menacing [like the 18-bladed Gillette Fusion] – all just good clean fun [until someone loses an eye] for growing boys trying to get some exercise.
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John entered his first powerlifting contest in High School and graduated the strongest athlete the school [world] had ever seen up to that point. John was able to squat and deadlift [and occasionally hump] over 500lbs and bench 335lbs at a weight of around 190-195lbs [depending on water retention, heavy flow days] at an age of 17.
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During college John also worked a good bit including working for Dean Witter (prior to the merger with Morgan Stanley) and later AG Edwards as an assistant to the Walnut Creek branch vice president [imagine the resume of the assistant to the Walnut Creek branch President!]. John was extremely skilled at the retail brokerage business and researching stocks. AG even asked John [for his hand in marriage] to think about working full time &/or going into investment banking for them.
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Shortly thereafter, John met Mark McGwire at World Gym in Walnut Creek in 1992. Mark watched John [pee a little bit] squatting something over 775lbs [Cecil Fielder, maybe John Kruk before his testicle was removed] and was so impressed with John’s strength and power that he wanted John to train him [point out that Balco was right down the street]… When John first met Mark and they talked of John training him John told Mark confidently [but with an effeminate lilt] that “[and he quotes] you can break the Home Run Record [capitalized for effect] if you’re [I had to add the apostrophe “re”] willing to train how I tell you and work very hard [drop your pants, the next injection is in four hours]. There is no question in my mind I can get you there [but I may need to borrow some money for a cab].” The rest is history [with an asterisk, until Barry Bonds “ran into John”] and can be read here.
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John worked closely with hundreds of venture funds around the world. He however, worked even more extensively/synergistically [/ awesomely / buzzwordy / antidistestablishmentarianismistically] with many venture funds and incubators including Panasonic Ventures and Digital Concept Center [codename : program VCR clock], Garage.com [the Pets.com of garages], Digicom [almost as powerful as the Pokemon Mewtwo], Zain Capital, Technology Partners, Women’s Technology Cluster [f ***], San Jose Software Incubator, Redpoint, CMGI, Full Circle Fund, etc.

Another one of my favorite sections is Politics & Charity. A smattering of its loveliness:

Political Work
Alhambra High School Student Body Vice President 1987-1988 [Imagine the resume of the President]

1988 Special Delegation to the Republican National Convention [because Dukakis was that much of a threat], New Orleans

-Met with:
Lee Atwater
-Lee Atwater took me aside and said “you are a secret candidate – I can see it in your eyes. You have to run, we need you.”

-Former alter boy

Salvation Army
-Various donations – typically yearly

Free training seminars to high-school teams and some college programs [is that what it’s called when you go for a light jog at the old high school or college?]
-Various seminars around the country – lifetime [check out his “Elite Diaper Rash Avoidance” Age 2]
-Also promoting drug-free elite training

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