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Jim Cramer By The Numbers

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Nice article in New York today by Jim Cramer about Jim Cramer. In it, he asks the question “Why does everybody hate me?” and then proceeds to answer it, with supporting statements and quotes by him. He also explains why he’s famous (fearlessness! And because he’s the only one who knows how the markets work) and why a C-note signed by Jim Cramer (“Wherever I go I get asked for my autograph”) could be worth up to $100 in five years, taking inflation into account. Not to spoil anything, but, for the most part, it’s basically everything we always hear by Cramer, about Cramer: worked at Goldman Sachs blah blah blah…Eliot Spitzer, who I went to Harvard with, is a god blah blah blah… blah blah blah…I predicted that Rosie O’Donnell would leave The View ten years ago blah blah blah…hilarious exchange between Cramer and Cramer blah blah blah. We’re not saying the six (web) page piece is worthless, but if you’re the sort of person that values your time, join us now, as we break it down: by the numbers.

Number of Times Cramer:
-Mentions that his show is a success: 5
-Rubs Eliot Spitzer behind his ears: 2
-Tells us the sight of Jim Cramer sickens Jim Cramer: 9 (“I’m a loudmouthed, cocky, obnoxious idiot with far too many other character flaws to list here”; “I remain completely and utterly repulsive to myself”; “I’m an arrogant jerk”; “I’m loud and obnoxious. I cough, I choke, I sneeze. I sweat like a pig on-air”; “I wake up in a pool of self-loathing, a top a pile of ice cream sandwich wrappers.”)
-Questions the accuracy of Leonard the Monkey: 1
-Says that his show is unscripted: 7 (“My show is unscripted.”)
-Refers to himself in the 3rd person: 12
-Sides with a crazed (albeit brilliant thespian) father, who not only considered it a personal attack but an attempt to make a fool out of him that his daughter’s cell phone wasn’t turned on when he called: 1 (“was I the only one who felt like he [Alec Baldwin] was in the right?”)
-Claims to have been “talking about other people” during the segment in which he bragged about breaking the law when he ran his own hedge fund: 1
-Explains how the market works: 3 (this is the best one: “The truth is, it’s a big fashion show.”)
-Underestimates Tim Sykes: 1

“How many successful money managers would want to switch careers and take a huge pay cut in order to be on TV? I can think of only one who’s that out of his mind, and he’s writing this story.”

Egregious at best. But, more importantly:
What's going on in this picture?

Is this a contest, to see which Cramer can drink faster? What is in the cups? Milkshakes? Juice? The semen of a righteous man? These are things we need you to get to the bottom of.
Cramer vs. Cramer [NYM]