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An Ode To Insider Trading

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Ladies and gentlemen, are you yourselves aware that we have entered the greatest era of all time? Not the Paleozoic, Disco or Laundry Detergent ones, though those are all personal faves. We’re talking about the era of Insider Trading, and the Golden one at that. Yes, our little fiduciary duty shirkers, we have hit the insider trading sweet spot and we consider it our responsibility, nay, obligation to ride it all night long.
In 2006 alone, evidence of insider knowledge popped up in the purchases of 57 companies, including HCA Inc, Freescale Semiconductor and Harrah’s Entertainment. Outstanding work, everybody. Turn to the guy on your right and pat him on the back. We even got a shout out from Senator Arlen Specter, who expressed being interested in hearing about insider trading-related “indictments, even more interested in convictions and most interested in jail sentences.”
But the best bit of press came from Federal Reserver Chairman Ben Bernanke when he drew attention to our cause on May 15, saying that “U.S. securities laws against insider trading and market manipulation apply broadly to all financial institutions, including hedge funds, and to trading in a wide range of financial instruments, including securities-based over-the-counter derivatives transactions." The WSJ’s Dennis Berman thinks this means: “Don't insider trade on credit-default swaps.” Sure, whatever! We’re just beside ourselves with the mention! Honestly, can you stand it? Can you barely keep your legs shut?
And First Data? Watching that whole thing happen was like when a father (mother, etc) sees his baby boy become a man for the first time. Beautiful. Moving. Poignant. As Mr. Berman, a proponent of insider trading put it himself, “before the buyout boom is over, let's hope we learn the secrets of how it is really done.” Let us, indeed.
Secrets to Keep: Insider Trading Hits Golden Age [WSJ]