As part of DealBreaker's look into the most high profile Mergers & Acquisitions of prominent or aspiring businesspeople, we present the latest installment of 02138's "Loves" section (with at least 50% more cheese than the New York Times wedding section). Here is the following account of the Melanie Thernstrom (AB ’86) and Michael Callahan (AB ’91) nuptial. Mel is a writer but Mike is the co-founder of software company PolyServe, which was purchased by HP in February. I can't put the picture up or 02138 will threaten to sue us again, the great sports that they are (or if Mel and Mike have the same rabidly litigious sense of humor as the last couple that we profiled). Here's the profile:
Melanie is…a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine. She is the author of two books, The Dead Girl (Simon & Schuster, 1990) and Halfway Heaven (Doubleday, 1997).
Michael is… the co-founder of PolyServe [a Mormon social networking site?], a software company he sold to Hewlett Packard [Patti Dunn comissioned spyware] in February. He is now chief technologist [according to a mug] of the PolyServe division of HP [every company calls the mail room something different].
Michael “had long known of Melanie”...having read about her in the Crimson [police blotter] after she sold her undergraduate thesis to Simon & Schuster [got more mileage than anyone thought possible out of a personal tragedy (see the Amazon link), which is almost required for admission into Harvard creative writing classes] (which became her first book, The Dead Girl).
In 2005, when [married] friends suggested that the two meet [were sick of having a constant third wheel]…Michael was impressed that he was going to meet “THE Melanie Thernstrom [her parents giving her a definite article as a first name was a poor choice].”
A relationship seemed unlikely…as Melanie lived in New York and Michael was in San Francisco [but I would walk 3,000 miles...]. However, mutual friends Larry Baughman and Anouk Markovits (GSD ‘81) urged the two, albeit separately [at a swingers party], to give it a shot [of Cuervo], saying, “this one is worth it [should make the beer goggles thick enough].”
Read more about Mike and Mel's courtship after the jump...
On a trans-Atlantic flight to London…Michael talked with Melanie for six hours without pause [caused the person sitting next to them to try to light himself on fire…and thus Richard Reed got mired in that whole “shoe bombing” mix up]. Michael continued to travel frequently for business [conjugal visits], often to New York [sometimes to Thailand], and as the relationship continued to develop [into a reliable safety hook-up], long cell phone conversation became the norm [until Michael finally paid for unlimited texting].
Although she loves New York [she ’s just not in love with New York]…it was not too long before Melanie was ready to join [a pilates class] Michael on the West Coast. “When I started dating [doping] Michael, I had the realization that my worst days with Michael in other parts of the country were better than my best days in New York without him [that ’s not a compliment].” In May 2006 Melanie relocated to Portland [where your worst days are absolute], where Michael had moved for work [in the Nike shoe mines].
The engagement was not a surprise [to the rest of the people looking at the Jumbotron]…because the couple “had been discussing marriage since the beginning of the relationship [since 40 kept inching closer].”
In the Denver airport [most romantic place in Denver]…Michael talked to Melanie, at home in Portland, while waiting for a connecting flight to Houston [staring at a flight attendant’s boobs and wishing he were still 25]. The conversation turned to the future [of Meredith and McDreamy], and Michael found himself saying, “[So what if the test results came back positive, what would that change?] I think we have such a fantastic relationship that…” But before he could finish [airport security nabbed him], the airline [of pure reason] announced the final boarding call [to Splitsville]. Two hours later, in Houston, Michael completed the proposal [got lonely again].
The Art Deco diamond engagement ring [formerly a Nash Ambassador Slipstream sedan hood ornament]…was picked out by Melanie with Michael’s assistance [the Cubist ring unfortunately existed on a single plane and was difficult to fit]. He knew “it would be crazy to attempt to make a selection without her involvement [what a control freak his bride to be is].”
Melanie’s best friend, Cynthia Baughman, officiated the ceremony [called a controversial offensive holding call during the “kiss the bride” play]…having become a minister of the Rose Ministries for the event [been Melanie’s only unemployed friend].
At the altar…Michael had trouble getting the wedding band [Styx still charges a surprisingly high appearance fee], a family heirloom of Melanie’s, onto her finger. The audience was amused [in the same way as a Gallagher audience] as the two spent minutes struggling with the ring, before Melanie resorted to licking her finger to slip it on [her next book – “Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in KFC”].
Minor disaster struck again [just like in Forces of Nature]…when Club staffers accidentally threw away the tiered bourbon-pecan cake Melanie had made for the reception [did the guests a huge favor, Michael will let slip during the first post-nuptial fight]. Fortunately, Melanie didn’t let the discarded confection spoil her day. “I realized I have the rest of our lives to make beautiful cakes – and serve them myself [the most beautiful vows in the world].”
The Honeymoon to India [bad idea from the start]…was canceled because Michael was in the midst of selling his company to Hewlett Packard [euphemism for buying a desktop at OfficeMax]. However, the newlyweds believe that the canceled honeymoon entitles them to “endless compensatory amazing trips.” They plan to travel to Tuscany this summer and have rescheduled an excursion to India and Japan for their first anniversary.
After an eventful year…the two look forward to “a comfortable domestic bliss [slow submission into tedium] that is not overshadowed by wedding planning, merger negotiations, and job transitions [divorce].” Says Melanie, “I feel like the huge unplanned thing in my life [Timmy, who I had when I was 17, and made for a great Harvard application essay] – who I was going to spend the rest of my life with [until social services intervened] – is finally planned [able to be tried as an adult this time], and that makes everything else easy and perfect.”
Loves [02138 Magazine]