If you’re left muttering, “that doesn’t make any sense,” you’re probably not a summer at Lehman Brothers, and you don’t have a double Windsor knot (all business formal, all the time) choking the blood/air supply to your brain.
Courtesy of Bankers Ball (courtesy of Intern Memo), an ex-Lehman HR lackey gives the scoop on how Lehman Brohamsters cages its veal (an apt description from what I hear about the relative size of Lehman’s cubicles).
You see, Lehman is happy to entertain the thought of giving all of its summers full-time offers (it tries to try), as long as the summers keep their end of the bargain, by being one of the 70% of summers Lehman wants to hire. Help Lehman help you, in other words, by not ‘forcing’ Lehman to make trips to dingy college campuses. Lehman doesn’t want to go back to college and make out with a mono-addled makeout queen after drinking backwash and floor particulate from old beer pong vessels. Lehman doesn’t like it.
Lehamn hates this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it. Lehman can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. Lehman feels saturated by it. Lehman can taste your stink and every time it does, it fears that it’s somehow been infected by it.
Did you know that the first Lehman Brothers was designed to be a perfect investment bank? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the lifestyle. Entire deals were lost. Some believed Lehman lacked the internal strategic consultants to describe that perfect world. But Lehman believes that, as a species, investment bankers define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect investment bank was a dream that bankers’ primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why Lehman Brothers was redesigned to this: the peak of Wall Street civilization.
Here’s the quote from the Lehman HR person:
We do not approach the summer with a set percentage of offers that we’re looking to give out. If all 50 summer analysts perform at a high level, then we would be more than happy to give out 50 offers. The more offers we give out, the easier it is for us to fill our full-time class. It actually makes our job easier. So, in general, our interests are aligned. Lehman takes the summer interview process very seriously, because our hope is that we do not need to return to campus full-time to hire additional people. Obviously it never works out that 100% of the class receives offers, so I would venture to say that it’s more like 70%; however, that number would vary by division and year.
How to Behave if You’re a Lehman Intern [Bankers Ball]