The most ridiculous press release in the history of man

Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Wouldn't it be hilarious if your pension* was worth nothing? If all your money had been invested y lost in hedge funds? If you had to work 'til you were 432? Pension Governance, LLC certainly thinks so. The pension research and advisory firm penned a ballad about what's up in pension land called "Pension Tension Blues," even setting the words to music. Then they circulated it to the media. The lyrics (and "sing-along" link) are after the jump, but first, this: if you're a big enough idiot to hire these idiots to do whatever it is that they do, you deserve whatever you have coming.
*More hilarious would be anyone in the DealBreaker audience actually having a pension.


Click here to listen to the full five-verse song.
PENSION TENSION BLUES
Words by Susan M. Mangiero and Steven Zelin
Music by Steven Zelin
Copyright 2007 Pension Governance, LLC and Steven Zelin.
All rights reserved.
71 bpm
I work for a corporation. I've been there 30 years
But my pension plan went bankrupt;
It has left me in tears
They're telling me now I gotta work till I'm 432
I got the pension tension bliss suspension nobody ever mentioned blues
I signed that stupid paper 100 years ago
It said if I worked forever, they'd give me lots of dough
I wish I knew what happened; I can't find many clues
I got the pension tension bliss suspension nobody ever mentioned blues
I thought the plan was looked at by a bunch of CPAs
Thought they said it all looked just fine, then gave their Okay's
But I guess something was happening outside their view, now
I got the pension tension bliss suspension nobody ever mentioned blues
They invested in some hedge funds and paid up lots of fees
They gambled all my money, with no guarantees, now
I've got nothin' for tomorrow and you know I'm gonna sue
I got the pension tension bliss suspension nobody ever mentioned blues
Guess I should have realized my account was discretionary
Now all I got is these papers. What's a fiduciary?
I'm putting all my stuff on e-bay, I gotta raise some cash
My piggy bank is empty, my portfolio has crashed
I read that Social Security has gone down the tubes
I got the pension tension bliss suspension nobody ever mentioned blues
I got the pension tension blues
I got the pension tension blues
Pension Governance, LLC is Proud to Present a Musical Commentary - PENSION TENSION BLUES

Related