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‘Cause PE Firms Are Beautiful, In Every Single Way, Words Won’t Bring Them Down

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When PE firms look in the mirror, they don’t see a cruel strip-and-flip type in the business of profiting at a company and its employees’ expense. They see something…beautiful.
In a Grant Thornton survey of 100 PE firms about PE firms, PE firms overwhelmingly came down on the side of PE firms. Continuing the trend, the Private Equity Council (the PE industry lobby) came down resoundingly in favor of PE firms in recent Congressional hearings. The main points of self-affirmation – PE creates jobs, is extremely ethical in its proceedings and is largely misunderstood.
So why oh why would PE firms ever develop a bad reputation? Why are non-PE firms and non-PE firm lobbyists always picking on the PE industry? The answer – the liberal media. Liberals just don’t understand the nuances of job creation. When you can make the same profit (cough…product, I meant product) with way fewer people, you lay a ton of people off. That’s phase one in the PE job creation cycle, often misunderstood by the liberal media as creating unemployment.
When you fire a ton of people after taking a company private, it’s not like you stop them from working, you just free them up to do other things, like cure AIDS. Liberals don’t want a cure for AIDS, which is why they criticize PE firms. This not only practically gives people AIDS, but it damages the self-esteem of PE firms, which is an important factor in having the confidence to file an IPO and guarantee a huge non-carry cash stream before returns dry up.
PE firms create jobs. Just look at this report from A.T. Kearney paid by PE firms to report that PE firms (defined by A.T. Kearney to include venture capital, non-buyouts and basically every time a person in the U.S. got a "job") created 600,000 jobs in the U.S. from 2000-2003. Can’t find an example of an actual buyout where this happened? Don’t worry, it only works in aggregate. That makes no sense? What?
Does Private Equity Create Jobs or Not? [Deal Journal]


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