D.E. Shaw's Losses No Longer On The D.L.

Author:
Updated:
Original:

Amidst the quantocide on the Street, some well-respected news outlets were reporting that D.E. Shaw was reaping losses of up to 20% on some of its funds.
The real losses, according to one D.E. Shaw investor:
DE Shaw composite down 7%
DE Shaw occulus down 3%
Notable, but hardly terminal.

Related

D.E. Shaw Geniuses Build Their Greatest Model Yet

Do you worship at the Temple of Chipotle? Do you refuse to make use of the online order option that allows you to bypass the line, as one half of Team Dealbreaker does, but unlike said burrito lover, prefer not to show up before 12 so as to beat the rush? Would you die before patronizing some inferior establishment for lunch but would also like to know what kind of wait you're going to be dealing with before making the trip, or, alternatively, not really care how long you have to wait but just get off on predicting stuff to a 3-sigma confidence level? Some enterprising D.E. Shaw employees have got covered. FYI- D.E. Shaw employees have built a model that predicts the length of the line at the Chipotle down the street from the 1166 Ave of the Americas office. Not only that, they are really excited about how accurate it is. Obviously this needs to be shared and disseminated ASAP, for the greater good, unless it's being kept proprietary at this time for reasons that involve a little something called the DE Shaw Chipotle Line Length Fund I and investors who would pay 2 and 20, nay, 3 and 50 to get in on this little money-making machine. Related: Tools Of The Trade: How To Prove To DE Shaw You’re DE Shaw Material