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The Country Is Under Attack

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As those of you who read the increasingly relevant A2 this morning already know, economists are now losing more sleep over subprime than terrorism. Yes, they believe that the threat posed to the United States by mortgage defaults and heavy debt loads is bigger than that of us being attacked by Canada, which I’ve long suspected is up to no good around the VT/CA border, even though they feign innocence when you ask them what they’re doing there and claim to just be trying to make it to UVM to score pot. This just goes to show you that economists are out to lunch, and wouldn’t know what the biggest threat to the country was if it bit them on the ass. Since we apparently have to do everything around here, let us step up to the plate and bite those economists’ asses: the biggest threat to the United States isn’t terrorism or subprime—it’s the fact that Crocs, the maker of those hideous, hideous eyesores (which, coincidentally, are favored by terrorists and subprime mortgage holders alike), is up 3 percent, on the news that the company will now expand its reign of terror into clothing lines for men and children. If you love America, go short Crocs now. Otherwise, the terrorists win, and you will probably have testify at Osama's war-crimes trial.
Sidebar to the econs: when you were coming up with subprime as threat numero uno, did you stop and think, “Is this something that can somehow be blamed on Saddam Hussein?” Since we know you weren’t aware that Sadd’s brother Ahmed ran the Sacramento office of Countrywide, which was responsible for 33% of new loan generation, we’re going to go with “No.” Amateurs.
Crocs Shares Rise on Clothing Plan [CNBC]
Defaults Bigger Threat for U.S. Economy than Terrorism [CNBC]