Hurricane B-Boy Would Also Be Funny

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Some of us walked to work this morning, because why not, and upon getting into the office remarked to our publisher, “Jesus fuck it’s hot out. Seriously, my jeans are sticking to my body, it’s disgusting. Feel it, it’s so gross.” Sick of listening to our complaining, Publisher, who declined to touch the actual dampness, responded, “Well, genius, that’s what happens when there’s about to be a hurricane. It gets humid out. Hey idiot, I’ve got a tip for you at dealbreaker dot com: try reading a book on weather or taking a science class.”
We took a pass on both suggestions on the basis of a categorical refusal to read books or take science classes, but having little interest in finding out what Bernanks was up to (or not up to), decided to look into this hurricane of which David Minkin spoke. Apparently it doesn’t yet have a name (nomination: Carney, because he likes to see his name in print as often as possible), and by Sunday, could become the seventh Atlantic tropical system of 2007 and the first to affect the East Coast.
Okay, great. But affect us how, we wondered? Do we care about buildings being damaged? No. Subway usage being limited? Not so much—there are these things called cabs. People who might be dispossessed from their homes? Not really. Looting and killing in the streets? No.
We sat at our computer for a while, really having a difficult time relating to/having an interest in something that will probably have no impact on our lives whatsoever (except for the fact that we’ve got plans to get melanoma in Central Park on Sunday, and JC melts when it rains). But then we remembered—some people could stand to make a lot of money off of a hurricane, if—fingers crossed—it’s big enough, and does enough harm. People like John Arnold. And Ken Griffin. And—this is almost too much to bear—Brian Hunter. B-boy! And if B-boy makes (or loses) a lot of money, you know what that means—we get to use the fish picture! Do you know of anyone else who stands to win big (or crash and burn) based on this weekend’s predicted drizzle? And a graphic as awesome as the fish one to go with? Let us know!