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Jeffrey Epstein Will Not Get Off

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It’s the absolute height of provincialism (and symptomatic of what’s wrong with this country) that you can’t solicit underage teen girls for sex, ask them to give you a naked massage and then jerk off into a towel while they stand there awkwardly, without people throwing a hissy fit and calling for jail time, am I right? Damn straight I’m right. Which is why it is through gritted teeth and alongside the ashes of a burned American flag that I pass on the categorically BS news that Jeffrey Epstein may be going downtown.
Page Six reports this morning that Epstein’s team of lawyers (including Kenneth Starr) are in negotiations with federal prosecutors for a deal that would put him away for 1½ to 2 years. The proposed “bargain” (an even more narrow-minded jury would go for a much longer term) requires that Epstein plead guilty to at least one charge (of loving too much), and breaks down to 15 months in a Florida state prison and 15 months of home confinement. No word on whether an ankle bracelet would be involved, but since we all know the monitoring devices add an instant layer of naughtiness to any intimate moment, Victorian prosecutors will likely put the kibosh on that. In which case we’ll pick one up on West 4th, and have it FedExed to FL, on Carney, who understands (all too well).
Earlier: When It Comes To Legal Counsel, Jeffrey Epstein Does Not Fuck Around
Jail Looms For Sex-Case Mogul [New York Post]