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Pirate Capital's Tom Hudson: Avast Maties, We're Not Sunk Yet

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Tom Hudson's Pirate Capital is kinda-sorta denying reports that it's assets are down almost 80 percent in the past year. He describes the reports from "various media" as "grossly misleading."
But are they? Pirate Capital's assets are way, way down. Here's Tom's full statement:

Various media have published grossly misleading information regarding results at funds managed by Pirate Capital. Some reports have suggested that Pirate funds lost almost 80 percent of their value in the past year. In fact, while assets under management have decreased, average returns over Pirate's four funds during the last year are about plus 4 percent.
Pirate Capital remains committed to its event-driven strategy to create value for its investors.

Two things. First: what the hell does that mean? As best we can tell, Tom means that Pirate's assets have diminished due to investor redemptions rather than just losses in the funds.
Second: that "average returns" business is pretty dodgy. There are lots of ways to calculate an average and there's no way to tell which method Tom is using here. The "average returns" over Pirate's four funds only matter to investors who are in all four funds. If you're in just one, it doesn't really help that the average returns are sailing in calm seas. You're already off to blackout island if you're in one of the two activist funds. Goldman Sachs has positive average returns but that hardly helps investors in Global Alpha.

Pirate Capital Statement Regarding Funds
[Biz Wire Press Release]