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'Stuart Sugarman Is Not Happy'-- Stuart Sugarman

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And now an update on the greatest story ever told. Stuart Sugarman, the hedge fund manager who—while still seated on his bike—was thrown into a wall for “loudly” grunting, commenting “Great song!” and yelling “You go, girl” throughout a spin class at an Upper East Side Equinox in late August, is mad. Not at himself, though he should be, for being one of those horrible people who are practically begging to be thrown into a wall for audibly working out in public, but at the prosecutors who aren’t treating the assault by fellow rider and Maxim Investments Group broker, Christopher Carter, as a felony.
“This wasn’t just a playground fall where Stewy fell down and went boo hoo,” Sugarman, referring to himself in third person, said yesterday when he was informed the assailant was only charged with a misdemeanor. "The reality is I spent two weeks in Lenox Hill [Hospital], including a week in ICU and six hours in surgery. My life has been altered, possibly permanently. This is not a misdemeanor."
While “Stewy” maintains that he suffered a concussion and damage to six discs in the vertebrae of his neck (see: the brace), the criminal complaint filed yesterday against Carter only accuses him of causing “sustained lower-back pain” and “substantial pain” in general. The Sugmaster is livid that there is no mention of the fact that he was told to “shut the fuck up,” nor that, allegedly, his surgeon described the sustained injuries as being so severe that SS was “one click away from a wheelchair.” (Obviously his placement in the chair on wheels at left was for purely photo-op purposes.)
Carter’s lawyer, Michael Farkas, rebutted that his client "did not commit any criminal acts."
No word yet on whether or not Equinox had reinstated Sugarman’s previously revoked membership, or if the New York Sports Club, an obvious step down, would have him.
Earlier: Spinning OUT OF CONTROL

Gym Victim Is Wheely Angry
[New York Post]