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When It Comes To Legal Counsel, Jeffrey Epstein Does Not Fuck Around

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Massage/15-year-old girl/Towel-enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein has hired Ken Starr to help defend charges brought against him regarding his (alleged) solicitation of prostitutes. One source told the Post, “Epstein is worried he could be targeted by federal prosecutors, and Starr is very well-connected with Republicans.” Yes, the fact that he’s got dirty politicians in his pockets does indeed make Starr a wise choice for dealing with Epstein’s little misdemeanor, but we’re thinking that it’s probably his semen expertise that really got him the job. For his part, Starr, who’s been spending his days getting kids suspended for displaying their “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner, defending Blackwater (/occupation in Iraq in general), and working at Pepperdine University, has admitted to being slightly out of his element in this case, since a positive outcome for his client rests on the covering up, and not exposure, of cum stains.
Whitewater Man On Sex Case [NYP]