Sort of a slow news day, isn't it? And Carney's not here. Doubly sad! In light of such things, and because he would've wanted it this way, we've decided to discuss a few of the differences you should come to expect between the Fox Business Network (starting Monday!) and CNBC. Here's the first, the next one will come when we get around to it. Ann Coulter: CNBC's been running non-stop coverage of her appearance on (CNBC's) "The Big Idea" with Donny Deutsche, wherein she said that Jews are "unperfected Christians." (No biggie). FBN, on the other hand, when it comes to the lady of the night, will do a piece on this story. (Warning: no photographs, but still probably NSFW, unless your work is down with you reading stuff like "I fucked Ann Coulter in the ass, hard," on a company computer. Hopefully they are, because it is completely worth it, and maybe worth getting fired over. Hat tip: Keith Hahn, who introduced the site to me one day a few months back when I was feeling blue and said "you will never be sad again, provided you can access the internet.") Not better or worse, just different.
Ann Coulter's Controversial Remarks on Jews [CNBC]
I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard [IFACITAH]
NB: I'm keeping this post on top for the rest of the day. New posts will be added underneath, because if there's ever been anything on DealBreaker that I've truly cared about, it's getting you to go to that site, err, I mean showing you the differences between CNBC and Fox.


CNBC Is Nobody's Sloppy Seconds!

*DJ CNBC Tells Wall Street Execs To Go Back To Their Ready Made Whores At FBN, Bloomberg TV *DJ CNBC 'If You Go On Bloomberg We'll Fucking Cut You' *DJ CNBC 'Brian Moynihan Knows What He Did' *DJ CNBC 'Will Tell Everyone That Walks In This Building That in 2R, Cohn, You're Nothing But A Whore' *DJ CNBC Suggests It Won't Hesitate To Throw A Drink In The Face Of Anyone Seen Running Around Town With Another Network *DJ No, CNBC Doesn't Think It's Overreacting *DJ CNBC Will Show You Crazy

How Your CNBC Sausage Gets Made (Update)

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story Step 3: Wait. Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. ["Will you, Kaaa" voice cracks. "Will you, Kate Upton.." No, that's stupid. "Kate I would be most honored if you.."] Step 5: Daydream about how you and "Katie" will tell your families you eloped. Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, "mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I'm not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running." Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout "Yes, D-Rove, you got this!" Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in. Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask "Henry James" some questions like, "How much money would say you're losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?" Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you're not being taken for a ride. Step 11: Cut, print. How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin] Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17