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How Low Will Ben Stein Go For A Buck? Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Low

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At first glance, there was something so cerebrally offensive about VH1’s new show, “America’s Most Smartest Model,” co-hosted by former model Mary Alice Stephenson and BEN STEIN, that I instinctively flipped over to the Indians/Red Sox game when a rerun of the latest from smut TV came on at the gym last night, and I never instinctively flip over to baseball. But I did, and didn’t think twice about the great loss, only about Boston’s crushing defeat. Unfortunately, when no fewer than five of my friends who I’d never before thought of as having questionable taste and/or brain damage contacted me in various ways this morning to say “America’s Most Smartest Model, watch it,” I decided I had to give the show a chance before I rejected it. This pains me to say, but I think you should, too. The overwhelming feelings of sadness and depression and “Oh my god, what am I doing with my life” upon hearing Ben Stein deliver the intro, “Models: they’re sexy. They’re stylish. And if conventional wisdom holds true, they’re all dumber than a box of rocks,” is quickly displaced with joy and dare I say, a smile, upon realizing that old Ben has finally given up the charade of being “an economist” and submitted to his true calling: demeaning 14 mildly attractive and cartoonishly stupid contestants (the 7 male ones are referred to as “himbos,” the 7 female ones as “bimbos”) on a weekly basis and, in the process demeaning himself (which we mean in the best way possible). In one scene, Stein asks Himbo Gaston to “name things that smell bad.” Gaston (with some apparent difficulty), comes up with “shoes, socks, a dirty penis.” Ben characterizes these answers as “pretty obvious and simpleminded.” In another he asks Bimbo Rachel, “What is the official language of Australia.” In an “assessment” round, he tells one Bimbo, “I do not get this outfit,” agree with his co-host that a himbo “doesn’t have his cat walk down,” and dismisses a crying contestant's tears by offering, “This show is not ‘America’s Most Nicest Model.’” If you do one thing today, get acquainted with this show. It puts Stein’s work shilling for Visine Clear Eyes to shame.
America's Most Smartest Model [VH1]
America's Most Smartest Model Spelling Bee [YouTube]
America's Most Smartest Model Dirty Penis! [YouTube]