Skip to main content

Tim Sykes Is No Gardener

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Is there a better to herald in Black Monday than with a Tim Sykes cover story? ‘Young Money’ says ‘No.’ The magazine’s October/November issue, which hits newsstands next week but is available online today, carries an almost-1,000 word feature on America’s most famous Bar-Mitzvah boy. It is spectacular, and almost makes you think that were there to be a crash this week like the one back in 1987, the market could be rallied up to a 52 week-high by Tim Sykes alone, in matter of three days (Sykes has confirmed to DealBreaker that he is indeed capable of such a feat, though he referred to it as “just a typical day at the office”). The piece has it all, including a lede, which is this: “Timothy Sykes is no gardener, but he's an expert on hedges ¬- hedge fund investments that is.” Plus predictions (see if you can guess which one we made up but Tim has probably said before): "[The term] ‘hedge fund’ will soon be a buzz word,” "In five to ten years everyone will know what a hedge fund is,” "In ten to fifteen years, I'll be able to stop blowing myself because Stevie Cohen will be doing it for me." A definition: “In [Sykes’s] words [a hedge fund is]: a legal structure that allows you to invest in anything.” Rounding up: “In five year's time, Sykes saw profits of approximately $2 million.” Hilarity: “Sykes said he likes to think of himself as a bit of a ‘financial cowboy,’ opening up the stock market frontier for anyone who wants to explore it.” (Sykes also told DB in a follow-up IM that: CilantroFP: i feel like i'm the nxt joel Osteen CilantroFP: spreading the gospel everywhere.) Delusions of grandeur: "Everyone on Wall Street knows me now." And spin: "Losing makes me wiser.”
Wall Street’s Bad Boy [Young Money]