DealBook has a nice little post today that more or less confirms our longstanding suspicion that Andrew Ross Sorkin wants to die. In it, Sorkin-- or one of the many Mini Sorkins who represent him-- recalls the recommendation SAC Capital gave to TD Ameritrade a few months ago RE: combining with another online brokerage firm like E*Trade Financial, because it would “dramatically increase long-term shareholder value" and "assume only moderate credit risk."
The last few months have shown this particular piece of advice to not necessarily be the "best" SAC's offered in its illustrious history. But instead of gently, ever so gently saying that while making sure to kiss ass at the same time, like we did just now, Sorkin goes out of his way to point out that had Ameritrade heeded SAC's counsel, the results would've been "disastrous" and that, in his estimation, and I'm paraphrasing here because I don't want to even click back to the DealBook article for fear of being implicated in the whole thing, "Stevie Cohen is no more than a glorified day trader who couldn't execute a profitable trade if he were hopped up on female hormones and wearing a dress."
We're not saying he's wrong (unless Stevie or any of the Tonton Macoutes he has working out of his office are reading this, in which case, WHAT AN IDIOT), or that he shouldn't feel free to express his opinion (again: ARS is the reason I am against the First Amendment), but jesus christ, Sorkin, you don't mess with a guy who once killed a bunch of kids selling lemonade for fifty cents to rally his troops after a down month. (If you have to taunt, taunt guys who are afraid of their own shadows, like Global Alpha. They'll never hurt you.) Yes, you have your God-given ability, as a Jew, to win street fights, but he does too, so it's cancelled out. And then all you're left with is the fact that he operates under the belief that the taste of human flesh in his mouth is good for business, and that "legend" about him killing an analyst with his bare hands "on a lark." We've said it before but now, more than ever, it bears repeating-- Sorkin, sleep with one eye open.
Analysis: Beware Hedge Funds Bearing Advice [DealBook]