JPMorgan Appoints Risk Manager, Citigroup Asks, "What's A Risk Manager?"


JPMorgan has named Barry Zubrow chief risk officer, the bank announced today. It's a job no one's done in almost a year, since Don Wilson retired, which would be hilarious if we were talking about Merrill or any of the other shit for brains banks on the street, but we're not. I guess the only funny thing to say is that the new guy's name reminds me of Barry Zuckercorn, who I am more or less dying to run a pic of with this post but won't, because I see things to their completion. Speaking of people whose faces I'm jumping out of my skin to put on the site, Bar was an adviser to Jon Corzine when the big guy worked at Goldman Sachs. That wasn't an attempt to inject more hilarity into this racket, just a bit of info that warms my heart of stone, and and the game-winning answer to tomorrow's trivia night. (You and your teammates can thank me later.)
JPMorgan Appoints Barry Zubrow as Chief Risk Officer [Bloomberg]


In Wake Of Exec "Accidentally" Stabbing A Cab Driver, Morgan Stanley Insists You Ask, "What Would The Post Say?"

A year ago this Friday, a Morgan Stanley banker named William Bryan Jennings attended a couple holiday parties, drank a few Coors Lights, and around 10:30PM hailed a cab and asked the driver, Helmy Ammar, to take him home to Connecticut. On the way, a hungry WBJ requested they stop at G&G Deli off 10th Avenue, where he bought "a 20 oz. bottle of Aquafina water, a sandwich and some Burger King cheesy fries." As the cab entered approached Jennings' hometown of Darien, a dispute reportedly broke out as to what the fare for the ride would be. Ammar claims that they'd agreed on $204 before leaving Manhattan, but once in Connecticut, Jennings said he'd only pay $50. Jennings claims that Ammar jacked the price up to $300 and was unhappy when the banker offered $160. Another matter of he said/he said is whether or not Jennings started shouting racial slurs at Ammar and told him, "I'm going to kill you. You should go back to your country!" (Jennings denies this happened and says that Ammar locked the doors and wouldn't let him out of the cab.) The one aspect of the story that is not in dispute is that as tensions flared, WBJ whipped out a pen knife he had in his pocket. For those of you reading from Morgan Stanley, this is where the teachable moments occurs: if you ever find yourself in a situation wherein you're winding up to stab a cab driver in the hand, stop and ask yourself, "Is this going to look bad in the Post tomorrow morning?" Jennings did not and now this is happening: