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On Whores

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For a while there, it looked like CNBC was going to keep doing its thing as the "serious" business network, and not lower itself to Fox's, shall we say, looser format. "Skanks don't move markets," everyone* at Englewood Cliffs said during the first week of FB's debut. "Those hos won't last a month." How wrong was CNBC? Dead wrong. An informal poll of five traders shows that Fox Business is still in fact on the air, almost two months later. This unforeseen turn of events has everyone in NJ wetting themselves in fear (why do you think they're always behind a desk?) and scrabbling to tart it up in order to compete, with a more "ouch, what are you doing?" than pleasurable outcome. Take this morning, for example. A piece on Victoria's Secret, a Limited Brands company carried the headline "Vicky's Panty Raid," Erin Burnett half-heartedly making a joke about "Becky Quick's interesting Victoria's Secret story," and then a shot of Mark Haines eating a sandwich. It's just sad because they don't even know how to properly whore themselves out, and they're fumbling around and fucking it up and just looking awkward. It's like watching Dina Lohan trying to compete with Lindsay. Horribly depressing and giving me the worst case of secondhand embarrassment.
*Everyone, that is, but Kudlow, who insisted we give him credit for knowing that "Skanks *do* indeed move markets" from the beginning.