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Something's Awry At Bear Stearns

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First, the securities firm announces it’s only going to writedown $1.2 billion in the fourth-quarter because of some bad luck in the mortgage market, beating Creditsights analyst David Hendler’s expectation of $3.2 billion. Strange, we thought, but okay, it’s not like they can’t come back tomorrow or next week and say, “JK, we actually meant $12 billion,” Merrill does it all the time. Then Chief Financial Officer Sam Molinaro says that the firm that loves subprime, that can’t get enough o’ subprime, that has, historically, had such a sick and twisted fetish for subprime that the pictures illustrating Bear’s perversion for subprime on Rich Marin’s blog were deemed NSFW (and ultimately contributed to being blocked by BSC), is now short subprime. Hedge fund balances are “coming back,” as are customers, and the second-worst performing stock is up. Health code inspections are being passed, due in no small part to the fact that not one piece of human waste can currently be found on the equity trading floor on 5th, where, apparently, you can barely detect the aroma of rotting fish anymore. JIMMY CAYNE IS AT THE OFFICE. Sure, he’s only there because he’s frantically trying to find the bag of White Widow he stashed “somewhere between the lobby and the 14th floor men’s room” before his flight to Tennessee departs at noon (two week of bridge camp, count it), but, still, he’s there!
Bear Stearns to Take $1.2 Billion Subprime Writedown [Bloomberg]
Bear Stearns Expects Write-Down Of $1.2 Billion in Fourth Quarter [WSJ]