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Stephen Schwarzman Does Not Love Son, Daughter-In-Law As Much As He Loves Himself, Crabs

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Stephen Schwarzman threw his son Teddy and new daughter Ellen a lavish Jamaican wedding last weekend blah blah blah $20,000 barbecue blah blah blah$8,500 4-hour fireworks display blah blah blah bought up the entire hotel for a $50,000 flat fee blah blah blah $150,000 open bar blah blah blah $1,000 wedding cake blah blah blah that’s a lot of money for flour, eggs and milk blah blah blah. No. This little gathering was a drop in the bucket compared to the $3 million birthday party Stephen threw himself last year. The subtext here is that Schwarzman is a bad father. The excuse that Blackstone just lost $113.2 million holds no water because we hear Schwarzman has plans to put stone crabs on the endangered species list by the end of the year. (Last complaint, because we’re really not trying to be negative about the whole thing, it’s just happening organically but 4 hours of fireworks? Seriously? That’s like half the workday. Wouldn’t your neck start to hurt? Wouldn’t your ears start to ring? What am I missing here? I’m really asking. Educate me.)
Earlier: Crab Hands Jr. Is Off The Market
Like Pa, Like Son [NYP]