There's a very important story in today's Wall Street Journal. You can tell it's important by how long and boring it is. So long and boring that you might've a. only read the first paragraph b. just skimmed it for key words and phrases or c. said "No! I'm god damn sick and tired of these motherfucking "How Goldman Sachs won when EVERYONE ELSE LOST" articles! I can't do it! I won't do it!" and not read a single word, choosing instead to settle for a nice relaxing spliff, though, realistically, that reaction probably could've only come from one person, and is sort of beside the point, because he no longer allows copies of the Journal within 1,000 feet of him anyway. Normally we don't pass judgment on your chosen paths/reading material (or lackthereof), but these are extenuating circumstances, and we would be remiss not to tell you that those choosing a, b, or c this morning made terrible, horrible mistakes. Because buried way down the page, after the part about Goldman's "penchant for rolling the dice with its own money," the "home run blasted from...the structured-products trading group's Scotty Pippin and MJ AKA Michael Swenson and Josh Birnbaum," ABX, VaR, jumping rope and lifting weights, broken promises to a wife and two children, and an obligatory Nick Leeson shout-out, contains a deep dark secret. A secret that's sure to make the day for many of you who like to see nothing more than Snarf and his friends fail, because it more or less gives confirmation that in 2008, the team that made GS a large pile of money, is going to shit the bed.
In October, Goldman's mortgage unit moved from one downtown Manhattan office building to another. Despite their stellar year, traders were crowded into a low-ceiling floor where 150 employees shared one small men's room.