Though That Was Hours Ago, And He Could Easily Be Drunk Right Now

Author:
Bess Levin
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
Dec 19, 2007

CNBC's Charlie Gasparino informs me that when he reported that Bear Stearns is holding talks to decide whether they're going to get behind Wall Street's favorite junkie or not, he was "hung over, not drunk." Meaning there's a chance JC really could get fired. I'm still choosing to say, "No, I don't believe it," but now, there's a quiver in my voice. Stay tuned.
Earlier: Please Say Charlie Gasparino Is Drunk And Making Shit Up, Please Say Charlie Gasparino Is Drunk And Making Shit Up

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Back in October, we detailed a list of things that, if you are the hedge fund manager who goes by the name Steven A. Cohen, you really don't want to hear first thing in the morning. They included: “The fleeces are on back order”; “Your ex-wife is in the lobby”; “There’s a photographer here who said he’s been authorized to shoot you wearing a king’s robe and crown for a set of playing cards”; “You’ve been outmaneuvered for the Toledo Mud Hens. But I hear the Binghamton Mets may be available.” Today we must update that list to include another thing, perhaps THE thing,* that people delivering news to Cohen don't want to relay. Paraphrasing but any variants on: "Mr. Cohen, we've received a Wells notice and by the way, they're considering naming you personally."

Fox

Bear Stearns

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The good news, if you are Mr. Steve Cohen: you were neither charged nor "mentioned by name" in the criminal complaint against your former employee, Mathew Martoma. The less good news: YOU ARE PORTFOLIO MANAGER A. YOU NEVER WANT TO BE PORTFOLIO MANAGER A!

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