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Alan Schwartz Reveals He Plans To Execute

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So Alan Schwartz took some time away from his victory lap to sit down with David Faber yesterday afternoon. And being the crack business journalist that he is Faber got Schwartz to spill the beans on the turn around plan for Bear Stearns. It includes "execute", take advantage of "market opportunities" and "don't fuck up as much". Schwartz also claims Bear is over capitalized. And by over capitalized, I assume he means "not currently bankrupt."
Since Charlie Gasparino has been all over this story from day one—as long by "day one" you mean that day back in December when he broke the story that the board was looking for a successor to Jimmy Cayne—we wondered why he didn’t get tapped to interview Schwartz. Surely Gasparino has a more intimate knowledge of the situation and could therefore ask more salient questions. We assume Schwartz’s pride is still hurting from all of the Wall Street Journals references to Bear's "Small but respected" investment banking department—no man likes anything about him to be referred to as “small but respected”—and so he might have been a bit sensitive about who he would talk to at “America’s Business Network.”
So we decided to ask CNBC about how the Schwartz interview became a Faber Report. Did Bear Stearns request Faber? Did CNBC choose Faber? Of course, CNBC wouldn’t comment on internal editorial matters. Gasparino says he has no idea how the interview was set up. Bear Stearns told us they would call us back but never did. They totally hate us.
Also, Schwartz claims Bear plans no future write downs due to the current "credit crisis". Listen Alan, TAKE THE WRITE DOWNS. You only get one chance like this. Write everything down. Then if the mark downs were unnecessary mark the positions back up slowly each quarter to pad your freaking numbers, son. What have you been doing all month if it wasn’t learning how this game is played?
--Everett Stuckey, DealBreaker correspondent.