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DealBreaker's Guide To Running Bear Stearns: Part 2

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Well its come to this. Another great Wall Street firm may go the way of the Dodo, selling itself to a hedge fund. According to the Financial Times, Bear met with both Fortress and Avenue Capital but talks fell through. All we can say is we hope they sell to Avenue. What better than to have Chelsea, and by extension Hillary, Clinton running things. If they sold to Fortress, well then what would that leave us, John Edwards? If either one of these accounts are true, it seems desperate. Let us make this suggestion instead, call up the head of Bear Stearns Merchant Banking (We hear they're a pretty good shop) and LBO yourself. That way you won't be dancing to HRC's tune.
--Everett Stuckey, DealBreaker correspondent.
Bear and Fortress held tie-up talks [Financial Times]