How To Think About Those 75 Basis Points

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Earlier this morning, I received the following instant message-"RonBlarneyIsGod (08:58:46 AM): whoa, for a second there it was almost like 1929 again!" Because this person is prone to hyperbole and lies, I ignored it. Then Opening Bell Joe emailed me about some "worse than usual" fight Cramer had with Rick Santelli. Cramer making a spectacle of himself for ratings-didn't sound like a big d to me, but OBJ usually knows what he's talking about, so I made a little "hmm" noise before going back to sleep. When my very enchanting and aesthetically-pleasing roommate got cancelled on by four of tonight's five dates, all citing "margin calls," I finally opened myself to the notion that maybe something was up (lucky number five is on the Bear mortgage desk and as of 10:00 am, had no idea anything was going on. He does now but doesn't much care and just wants to know if "6 at the Olive Garden is still good?").
I tried to console her with a little history lesson, and the writer even offered to read the post out loud over the phone, because “its sheer brilliance might not transfer to the page” but it was useless. Then, a lightbulb. What’s the one thing that always makes everyone feel better about themselves, even when they really have no conceivable reason whatsoever to get out of bed in the morning? When they should just pack it in and give up entirely? When they’re staring down the barrel of a gun and even Mrs. Blarney’s going, “You know I like to look on the bright side of things but you should probably just pull the thing and be done with it”?
Obviously the answer is ex-hedge fund manager Seth Tobias and his stripper boyfriend Tiger who can’t remember if they’d ever had sex because he’s slept with “too many” hedge fund managers to keep track, gay pimp/personal assistant Billy Ash, widow Filomena, and celebrity fitness trainer Doug Caporrino. Below I invite you to help yourselves to a conversation between Ftobias8 (Filomena) and Sneffer (Seth), which have been entered into evidence by lawyers attempting to prevent Fil. from helping herself to the deceased’s $25 million estate. It helped ROB (Roommate of Bess) get through this difficult time, and I think it might help you, too. ROB’s favorite part is “Ftobias8: I hope you rot in hell you sick fuck. Ftobias8: After this last hurrah…enjoy you [sic] pathetic life…..in your rat hole house with your drugs and alcohol…I hope you get aids with all the whores your [sic] fuk [sic] too. Ftobias8 signed off at 4:48:27 PM. Ftobias8 signed on at 6:48:26 PM. Ftobias8 is idle at 7:08:55 PM.” What’s yours?
IM Convo [PDF]

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