Let's Get Serious

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We're getting flooded by emails from analysts complaining that the posts this morning have a been a bit fluffy, and not the serious business journalism they come to DealBreaker for during the workday. "When I log on to your site, I expect hardcore market analysis and not meaningless bull shit that I can't use to get ahead. DealBreaker is supposed to inform, educate and edify me, teaching me things about the industry in which I ply my trade that I didn't know and for one reason or another, DealBreaker's editors do," one of you wrote. You want it, you got it:


21st century's Mother Theresa, Filomena Tobias, may have been an adulteress. According to dead hedge fund manager Seth Tobias's personal assistant Billy Ash, AKA Mr. Madam, a Ft. Lauderdale-based gay pimp (insofar that he is both gay and a pimp) who claims Tobias had a drug and alcohol addiction, a volatile relationship with his wife (which was a cover for his homosexuality), “many” male mistresses, including an exotic dancer from the local Palm Beach gay club (Cupids) known to friends and clients as Tiger, Lady Macbeth had a boyfriend at the time her husband's death by drowning by voodoo. And he wasn't just any old boyfriend, he was a CELEBRITY FITNESS TRAINER (name: Doug Caporrino). Mr. Ash was good enough to forward a couple emails from Doug to Fil., which speak for themselves:

From: DCaporrino@aol.com
Sent: Friday, April 27, 2007 6:03 AM
To: Filomena008@aol.com
Subject: Good morning
Hey there,
Thank you so much for talking yesterday. Your voice and wisdom are always calming. It's so funny that there are so many feelings so quickly between us. I don't question it, only wonder why it took so long for 2 people from Hoboken to find a way into each others lives.
Your a beautiful soul and I just wanted you to know that I see more than just the outside beauty.
Big hugs
___________________________________________________________
From: DCaporrino@aol.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2007 7:22 AM
To: Filomena008@aol.com
Subject: Fwd: friends
You make EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE AND EVERY EVENT SPECIAL ......IT WAS YOUR DAY AND MORE THAN ANYTHING I WISH I COULD HAVE COME AND HAVE DINNER AND CELEBRATE WITH YOU ...THAT WAS MY TRUE INTENTION !!!!!
LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS ,
DOUG

Pretty damning stuff, eh? And I agree on the Hoboken point. The one thing that does make me say "Waiiiiiit just one second," is the salutation on the April 27th email, because it's oddly reminiscent of the way Mr. Ash signed his last message to me. Am I saying that Filomena didn't drug and murder her Tiger-loving husband in order to a. inherit his $25 million estate and b. live with her boy toy in peace? No, I'm not saying that at all. Am I saying that two guys, one gay and one questionably gay, couldn't both end their correspondences with "hugs"? I'm not saying that either. I'm just say that in a murder case in which both myself and Andrew Ross Sorkin are completely convinced that all of the allegations are true, especially the part about Tiger and Seth Tobias spending a lot of time together "at the tracks," and Tiger not being able to remember whether or not he'd had sex with Tobias, this gives me pause.
--Jewish Nancy Drew, DealBreaker correspondent.

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