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The Saddest Story Ever Told

Boys: have you recently been fired but would like to maintain the lifestyle your soul-sapping though highly lucrative career in finance has afforded you up until this point (all former Citi employees should be nodding yes, and if you’re not, I feel sorry for you and your delusions)? Or maybe you’re gainfully employed at the moment, but just goddamn sick and tired of Excel and every day for the last three weeks (months/years) you’ve been spending the hours between 2 and 5 daydreaming about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell, and in that daydream you’ve quit your job but still been able to afford that sweet apartment in Murray Hill as a result of your new, more fulfilling career as a kept boy. Ladies: are you both loaded and looking for A, but want it in the form of a hot younger man who you can smack around because you make the money and that makes you the boss? I may have something that might interest you (all of you).
Remember that “Natural Selection Speed Dating” event from last year? The unique opportunity to find love in under an hour, provided you were a rich man or, alternatively, a very attractive woman? It’s back for more, but the terms have been changed slightly. In ’07, the females were required to provide five headshots to be judged for beauty, and were not allowed to provide any additional information, like “great personality!”. In ’08, the females are required to: be over 35 and qualify (with documented proof) on at least one of the following financial criteria: $500k+ salary, $4mm+ liquid assets, $4mm+ entrusted assets, $4mm+ divorce settlement, plus pay a $500 event fee. In ’07, the males had to do the same. In ’08, the males are required to provide five headshots to be judged for beauty, be under 35, and pay a $50 event fee. The event is dubbed as “A Speed Date for Rich Women and Hot Men (Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys),” and obviously it’s taking place at 230 Fifth.
And obviously I think the good looking boys/rich old ladies in the Dealbreaker audience should submit applications and represent. Hey, idea. If at least one or two of you promise to send in your portfolios (financial or modeling, depending on your gender of choice), later today I’ll post pics of those who’ve already applied. I can’t decide if we should start with the prop trader who sent in an artsy photo of himself coming out of the shower, or the i-banker posing with a horse. I’ve got some thinking to do.
Earlier: 'Natural Selection Speed Date'
'Natural Selection Speed Date': The Applicants
Apply for this year! [Pocket Change NYC]
Martha Raye & Mark Harris [Anecdotage]
Mark Harris on Howard Stern Show [YouTube]