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"There is no high-tech lingo or business strategy that you can talk that is above my head," Hammer boasted during an interview. "I breathe this stuff."

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I’m sure all you rabid Stanley Burrell fans have known about/been discussing the news in chat rooms for weeks at this point but Carney sent me a “high-priority” e-mail this morning outlining the reasons—too embarrassing, for him, to mention—why it bears repeating so here and now: MC Hammer is launching, a new site MCH hopes will become “the Internet’s hub for sharing and watching dance videos,” this month. DJ will apparently provide “demonstrations and information about a wide variety of dances,” and also offer viewers the chance to judge user submitted videos, which should be good for a laugh. There’s no one on earth who wants to see this thing, via ad sales*, help MC get out of the $14 million in debt he got himself into in the mid-late ‘90s more than us but our inner cynical asshole is skeptical. We don’t disagree that Mr. Hammer inhales and exhales “this stuff,” and we’ll note that someone we work with has been waiting for what feels like years for a site to come along that will show the unwashed masses proper “Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)” technique so he can “stop going to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and watching people fumble around and fuck it up.” But other than that co-worker, who we like to call “Ron Blarney,” and a few sick freaks who get off on watching strangers look like idiots on the internet, who’s going to use this thing? And, more to the point, can any of these amateurs top this?

We submit no. But let's end this on a high (low?) note: there were several times over vacation that we seriously considered adding “Can’t Touch This” to our running playlist. I’ll elaborate more on that later.
Ex-rapper tries hand at Internet [Boston Globe]
*we’ve heard Mike’s HL is in talks.


Barclays' (Now Former) Head Of FX Strategy In Asia Has A Moment

Have you ever had construction going on nearby your home? Was it loud? Annoying? Did keep it keep you up in the middle of the night? Did you seriously consider opening your window and screaming "Hey! Shut the hell up down there!" or even confronting the people making all that racket face to face? Olivier Desbarres can relate. Or at least he can half relate. Because while most of you were probably talked out of making some sort of scene, either by your significant other or your own impulse control, on October 20th Desbarres decided to go in another direction, the one that involved introducing himself to the construction workers building a house near his own by screaming "I'm gonna go after you, I will haunt you, I'm gonna burn your fucking house down, I will find your fucking family," a task he noted would be fairly simple and straightforward ("I can find [them] very easily," he explained, "I'm a man with resources"), in case there were doubts (a fairly reasonable concern, as there are a lot of people in Singapore and how were these guys supposed to know he had an army of Barclays researchers at his disposal?). Still worried that the group wasn't taking his threats seriously on account of the casual look he was sporting that morning-- shorts and sandals-- Desbarres then picked up some sheet metal and launched it in their direction, presumably to demonstrate he meant business.* Although that would have been a good time to make his exit, at that point Desbarres noticed that one of the men had been recording him without his consent, leading to: “You’re filming me? You think that’s good? Put your fucking phone down because I’m going to wait for you to come out and take that phone and shove it up your fucking ass.” According to one local publication, this whole thing started because the construction crew began working at 8:45am one day in October instead of 9am, the time Desbarres preferred. In related news, according to a person familiar with Barclays' policies concerning construction site meltdowns, "We consider such behavior and language unacceptable. It does not meet the high standard of conduct that we expect of our employees." Desbarres, who is no longer with the bank, has not yet returned Dealbreaker's call for comment.** Foul-mouth foreigner threatens workers and warns he will hunt down their families [Stomp] Barlcays Far Too Candid Camera [Sunday Times via Ian Fraser] Barclays Capital Appoints Olivier Desbarres as Head of FX Strategy, Asia-Pacific Ex-Japan [BarCap] Related (re: Barclays employees losing their shit in public): Barclays Global Head of Investment Banking Writes Tear-Stained Letter To Son’s School, Demands Teacher’s Firing For Trash Talking Barclays, Making Son Cry *Insane ranting + shorts + sandals can leave room for interpretation re: is this guy serious or not; insane ranting + shorts + sandals + grabbing whatever shit from a construction site is within arm's reach and throwing at people is generally-- though not always!-- pretty clear. **Possibly because we called in the middle of the night local time and he is on his way to New York to throw a piece of sheetrock at us; you know how he gets when his sleep is interrupted.