You, Sir, Are No Thespian

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Joe mentioned this earlier but we have something to add so just deal with it. The above clip is our nomination for Worst Fake Freak Out Over A Market Swoon of the year. While there are a few good lines (“Let’s watch it go to the depths of fucking hell,” “Whoever’s short, congratulations,” “Thank you Mr. Motherfucking Stock Market") there’s NO dancing around the fact that this guy is a horrible actor, and I’m not buying his little performance. He makes Tim Sykes look like Sydney Poitier and I don’t say that just because yesterday was Martin Luther King’s birthday. There’s no dread in his eyes, real or feigned. Also, and this my biggest directorial complaint, he should’ve done more with the walking off set (3’10) and then coming back on, something reminiscent of the “Happy Gilmore” scene when his girlfriend’s leaving and he screams “Fine, get the hell out of here! Who needs you?!” retreats and then runs back to the intercom and is all “I’m sorry baby, come up and Happy will make it okay” and then she goes “No!” and he responds “Fine! Get out of here! You know you’re a lousy Kindergarten teacher; I’ve seen those finger paintings you bring home and they suck!” [pause] “I’m sorry baby, I love your finger paintings. PLEASE don’t go” and then sleeps with the older Chinese woman. If he’d wanted this to be believable, he should’ve freaked out, left, come back and whispered sweet nothings to the market. Then freaked out again, left, sweet nothings. Freak out, leave, sweet nothings. Freak out, leave, sweet nothings. That’s how you make the market work for you. Larry Robbins knows what I’m talking about.

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