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Countrywide Lets Down Everyone Who Can Stand To Be Covered Up For More Than 30 Minutes At A Time Without Getting The Shakes

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Countrywide said yesterday that it has cancelled the ski trip to Avon, CO that it was supposed to sponsor this week, wherein associates of the lender were to chill at the Ritz-Carlton Bachelor Gulch resort, enjoy $140 caviar and $105 Kobe steak, and have a good laugh about all the people they’ve screwed. “In light of recent events,” the company called off this and all other previously scheduled funfests for the rest of the year.
While the news is extremely disheartening to the little guys who won’t get to go skiing for free, it comes as a relief to Crocodile Mozilo, who’d been dreading the trip for months. Insiders say not a day would go by that Leather wouldn’t work some woe is me line into conversation about how doctors have said it’s in his best interest to take vacations as close to the equator as possible. “He’s been practically giddy all morning on the news,” Hollywood Tan employees tell DealBreaker. “Dude can barely keep the smirk off his face, and told his secretary to cancel all meetings for the day to make time for extra sessions on the bed for the base he needs to work up for Macapa." To make it up to those looking forward to Colorado, Mo’ Hazard is said to be planning a jamboree at his home in June, out of pocket. The planned activities (lying by the pool, baby oil massages, telling each other that melanoma is a myth) are a little self-serving, but they'll take their enforced fun and they'll like it. (Anyone seen applying SPF will be fired on the spot. I shit you not. Don't even think about putting it on in the car, he can smell "that poison" a mile away.)
Countrywide Puts an End to Ski Junket [NYT]