Mortadella. Braciole. Soppresata.

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The new Trader Monthly is out today and since a lot of it is unavailable online and I've never seen or heard of anyone voluntarily buying the print edition, I decided I would read it for you and say something if anything good happened to come up. I never thought I'd say this, but something did. A profile of Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack, by CNBC reporter Charles Gasparino, which begins with, I shit you not, a quote from Goodfellas. My original intention was to humorously summarize the verbal stylings of this mythical creature, but I ultimately realized that to try and imitate/compress the work contained within is akin to etching a stick-figure rendition of the Sistine Chapel. Thus, I will simply submit this excerpt, and invite all to buy a copy for themselves (or deign to read the free one in the office). Before I do, a couple of words: I get the sneaking suspicion we are seeing the Observer Effect at work here. No Sleeves knows full well we are chronicling his every dagoesque utterance, and we submit he is subconsciously ginning up his I-talian in response to our observations. This sucks for two reasons: First, he is muscling in on my turf: this shit is getting hard to parody. Second, it's a pose: Any pipe-banging paesano would cut this make-up wearing blow dry boy down before breakfast, sleeveless sweatshirt and all. Anyway. I can’t stay mad at him. Let us behold:

IF YOU’RE PART of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they’re going to kill you — doesn’t happen that way. There weren’t any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who’ve cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you’re at your weakest and most in need of their help.” — Henry Hill, Goodfellas
New York’s five major families, despite decades of turf wars and nasty infighting, have coexisted remarkably well in recent times, which isn’t surprising considering how much money they’re raking in — more than enough for everybody.
I’m speaking, of course, about the StreetMob: Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, JPMorgan,Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers. I’ve always found the similarities between Wall Street and La Cosa Nostra striking. Bosses. Made guys. Foot soldiers. Tribute. Sitdowns. Cozy ties with politicians. Hits.
Of course, people don’t get “whacked” on Wall Street — not literally, anyway. But they do get shot down execution-style, and such hits are often rather Mob-like. Firings are usually preceded by fake smiles. Demotions often occur with disingenuous gestures of support. Take, for example, the number Morgan Stanley’s CEO, John Mack, recently did on Zoe Cruz.

Out Comes The Knife [Trader Monthly]

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