Non-Dairy Creamer

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Sympathies to my Starbucks junkies in the audience who need it between the hours of 5:30 and 8:30 pm—the drug pushers are closing up shop for three hours tonight to re-train the 135,000 baristas that didn’t get fired last week on how to make your bullshit drink. CEO Howard Schultz said he thinks the tutorial will “foster enthusiasm [among] employees” which is an interesting take on the situation. (He also noted that the evening’s event is “a bold demonstration of our commitment to our core and a reaffirmation of our coffee leadership” which I’d been more inclined to buy if they could offer some level of assurance that ritual sacrifice will be involved.) The opportunistic leeches at Dunkin’ Donuts, in order to “ensure that no coffee lover is denied a delicious espresso-based beverage” will be selling lattes, cappuccinos and espresso drinks for the Suck It Starbucks promotional price of 99 cents from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Speaking of Dunkin Donuts, after the jump, a word from DD spokeswoman Rachael Ray. Don’t bother with headphones; this is something you'll want everyone within earshot to enjoy.

Coffee break for Starbucks' 135,000 baristas [Fortune]

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