Sender Snubbed


I hadn't been keeping up with this Anthony Pellicano case at all but decided to educated myself after being shamed into it by one of my (many) private investigator friends who called me ignorant for not knowing the facts. So I spent the morning catching up and while I can't say the story of Tony "P.I. to the stars" Pellicano's possible use of illegal wiretaps struck me as all that interesting or something to work up a rage about, buried at the very end of one otherwise nothing to write home about article was something so contumelious that rage doesn't come close to capturing the response it elicited (it's times like these I really wish we had a two-way web cam situation going on; you could've just seen my reaction instead of hearing about it second-hand). It's a wonder I was even able to pull it together to write this post now, but it's something so offensive and just downright wrong that you needed to hear about it stat, no matter my mental state: Adam Sender, 5'4 hath been snubbed.
In what can only be described as a smear campaign against the Exis Capital Management founder, some hack at Fox News wrote up an article about the 244 witnesses named for the February 27th racketeering/w'tapping trial and not only took pains to list Tom Cruise's lawyer, Bette Midler's former manager, Sylvester Stallone, Kevin Nealon, Garry Shandling, and "Survivor" creator Mark Burnett before Sender, 5'4, who was placed second-to-dead-last and described as being "unknown to the public," but equated Sender, 5'4, with a secretary ("More Pellicano names on Wednesday, most unknown to the public, such as hedge fund manager Adam Sender and Lilly LeMasters, a former Pellicano secretary"). Outrageous. And, really, just wrong. And something that Sender, 5'4, shouldn't have to stand for. Since the Lil' Guy, 5'4, is, we're told, locked in his Kia sobbing inconsolably (his head just barely clearly the dashboard), we'll have to take care of this for him. So listen up.
Adam Sender, 5'4, is somebody, and he deserves better billing than this. Here's our reasoning: forget about the "53 percent return for clients after fees this year." Forget about the hideous taste in art (a clear indicator of somebodydom, just ask you-know-who). Forget about the Hamptons church he went to battle with Goldman Sach's Dennis Suskind over to get the place converted into a gallery to house said hideous taste in art. And just remember this:

Adam Sender, 5'4, IS 108-SCREENS IMPORTANT.

And for that, he should at least get mentioned before the creator of "Survivor," if not Garry Shandling (who, must I remind you, was a key writer on "Sanford and Son"), as well. That's all I have to say, and that's all that's needed to be said.
Earlier: A Serious Question
Tom Cruise's Lawyers Among 244 Names on Pellicano List [Fox]


Wall Street Journal Columnist Can't Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today's College Grads

Once upon a time, as in two years ago, Wall Street Journal foreign-affairs columnist Bret Stephens hired an intern from West Point who blew him away with her accomplishments and talent. When she wasn't performing "field exercises in which she kept a bullet proof vest on at all times, even while sleeping" she was writing "brilliantly" and was one of the most "self-effacing" people Stephens had ever met. Currently, the former intern is fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and to this day, whenever Stephens thinks of her, he is awed and impressed, as most people would be. Unfortunately, he probably won't have the opportunity to hire another individual of her caliber, because approximately 99% of this woman's generation is made up of despicable low-life scumbags who exist to make Stephens sick. Take a guy Bret interviewed a couple months back. Kid had an "astonishingly high GPA from an Ivy League university and aspirations to write about Middle East politics." The two got to chatting about Suez Crisis of '56 and over the course of the chat it became apparent that this kid "didn't know who was the president of the United States in 1956. And he didn't know who succeeded that president." Know where that guy is now? In Bret Stephens's meat locker, as he well should be. And while Stephens hasn't had the opportunity to interview each and every member of the Class of 2012, he's doesn't have to in order to know what they're all about, which is being a bunch of degenerate jerk-offs who suck at their parents' teat because they can't get the jobs they don't deserve that aren't available because they are commies who voted for Obama. Sayth Stephens: Dear Class of 2012: Allow me to be the first one not to congratulate you. Through exertions that—let's be honest—were probably less than heroic, most of you have spent the last few years getting inflated grades in useless subjects in order to obtain a debased degree. Now you're entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity about how tough it is to look for a job while living with your parents. They're the ones who spent a fortune on your education only to get you back— return-to-sender, forwarding address unknown...If you're like [West Point] intern, please feel free to feel sorry for yourself. Just remember she doesn't. Unfortunately, dear graduates, chances are you're nothing like her. And don't you ever forget it, pieces of garbage. To read through your CVs, dear graduates, is to be assaulted by endless Advertisements for Myself. Here you are, 21 or 22 years old, claiming to have accomplished feats in past summer internships or at your school newspaper that would be hard to credit in a biography of Walter Lippmann or Ernie Pyle...In every generation there's a strong tendency for everyone to think like everyone else. But your generation has an especially bad case, because your mass conformism is masked by the appearance of mass nonconformism. It's a point I learned from my West Point intern, when I asked her what it was like to lead such a uniformed existence. Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual. Now she's a second lieutenant, leading a life of meaning and honor, figuring out how to Think Different for the sake of a cause that counts. Not many of you will be able to follow in her precise footsteps, nor do you need to do so. But if you can just manage to tone down your egos, shape up your minds, and think unfashionable thoughts, you just might be able to do something worthy with your lives. And even get a job. Good luck! Stephens: To The Class Of 2012 [WSJ]

Does Your Next Food Eating Challenge Involve Binge Drinking Herbalife's Formula 1 Nutrition Shake?

As many of you know, around these parts we are constantly debating the merits of various financial services employees' food eating challenges. Historically, we've detracted points for allowing the participants far too much time to complete the task at hand (opening bell to close, might as well just make it limitless), an insufficient volume of food (a box of Munchkins, considered by many to be a snack), and lack of originality (vending machine challenges have been done). On the flip side, we've applauded creativity (an investment banker and 500 Starburst enter a room and there's a webcam involved),* obscene amounts of food and enough sugar to cause hyperglycemia (244 oysters, a cupcake of death), and topicality (the delicacy that is the Sausage Pancake Bite: yes! Double Downs: double yes!). Which brings us to this: the Herbalife Food Eating Challenge. New York Observer reporter Patrick Clark noticed that while the Herbalife story has been covered by many an angle so far (the blood-sucking pyramid scheme angle, the grandma angle, the Dan Loeb/UWS hedge fund manager on UWS hedge fund manager angle), the most important angle of all had yet to be explored: the actual ingesting of this stuff angle.