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UBS Chairman Refuses To Leave, Now Ready And Willing To Make This Thing Work

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Despite being told by shareholders in general to hit the bricks and by one in particular (Salvatore Cordello, real name) that he’d turned the bank into a “casino,” Marcel Ospel (proverbially) chained himself to the front door of UBS this morning, where he vowed to remain until this so-called “financial crisis” is over. Ospel also made it clear that he’s not in this to make friends (telling the crowd of 6,500, "Popularity isn't the benchmark by which I or the board of directors measure our actions"), nor is he in this to make money (“As you probably already know, results aren’t the benchmark by which I or the board of directors measure our actions, either") a motto the sources in our head tell us he ripped off from Stan O’Neal. Though he chose not to offer any specs on how exactly he plans to put this Swiss bank back together again (we’re hoping for more write-offs, that shit's adorable), Ospel promised to make sure “UBS gets back on the road to success, right after this rousing game of Trader Face or O-Face.”
UBS Chairman Focuses on Turnaround [WSJ]
Trader Face or O-Face? [Details]


UBS Chairman: Other Banks Will Have To Fire Thousands Of Employees Too, Y'Know

Difference is, UBS is the only one that's faced facts already, 'cause they're consistently ahead of the curve like that. Credit Suisse, Deutsche Bank, all those other guys will get a cold hard dose of reality sooner or later, though, and when they do they'll say, "Damn! UBS was all over this!" A day after UBS AG announced it was cutting up to 10,000 jobs by 2015, UBS chairman Axel Weber is warning that many of the Swiss banking giant’s rivals may have to follow suit...“I suspect that many banks have not yet really understood what the consequences of the new capital rules for business will be when they come into full effect in 2019,” Weber was quoted as saying in Wednesday’s edition of the German daily Handelsblatt. “We, on the other hand, see this new world very clearly,” he said. “Besides that, Swiss rules commit us to even higher own capital demands than the 10 percent capital quota that Basel III orders.” UBS Chief: Other Banks May Need To Downsize Too [AP] Earlier: Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Tells Employees Not To Bother Themselves With Figuring Out How To Get Into Work (Ever Again)