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UBS Might Fire You, Or Might Not. Depends On How UBS F-ing Feels, K?

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Our favorite Swiss bank lost a ton o’ money and now a few people are saying layoffs are on the way, two of whom are employees hoping a last second admission of boyhood crushes on Adolf will save their asses (it would help if they could get their hands on a copy of a little indie porno called “Hitler Sucks,” which actually casts the guy in a pretty flattering light). Another soldier in Marcel Rohner’s employ sees things differently, asking, “I don't know if you've noticed but UBS really doesn't fire anyone ('cept Jews). I mean look at our losses and layoffs comped to ml, ms, etc.” Love the detached confidence, which should serve him well down at the unemployment office. Either way I think you should a. Keep us abreast of the situation and b. Check out this musical clip, which I think might help thing a little if not a lot.


Layoffs Watch '13: UBS

Cuts are said to be going down in New York.

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

The Swiss are not yet done with their firings. "FYI, layoffs going down right now in IBD at UBS as well."