In our continuing (and continually failing) effort to provide the finest in financial musings for our readers, we at DealBreaker are pleased to announce that Equity Private, author of the much-loved Going Private blog has joined DealBreaker as a Guest Editor at least until May 1st. Ms. Private will be filling in for John Carney, who is fortunate enough to be departing for a month to enjoy a well deserved, and somewhat overdue vacation, April 4th.
For those of you who have been hiding under a rock for the last two years, Equity Private is a pseudonymous Vice President at the equally pseudonymous "Sub Rosa," a New York based, middle market, private equity firm focused on leveraged buyouts.
Ms. Private either holds a MA/MBA or a JD/MBA (though she refuses to tell anyone which) from a top tier university. We don't know which university, of course, but given her rather overt animosity for one in particular, we're pretty sure it isn't Stanford. Either way she has too many degrees, and not enough beachfront property in Sardinia (500' really doesn't cut it anymore).
I took a break from writing about JPMorgan and Bear Stearns all day to have a little chat with the newest edition to the stable.
Bess Levin: So, Equity, you'll be with us from now until Carney returns at the end of April (at which point I'll be taking a month off to just chill by the way). Are you intimidated at the prospect of having to fill Carney's (proverbially) big shoes.
Equity Private: Yes, of course it's intimidating. The Carnivore must wear a size 11 or so, plus he has been an important fixture at DealBreaker since the beginning. I doubt I can ever "fill his shoes," in any meaningful way. I mean I wear, like, a size 6. And, you know, now that I think about it, that's in Manolo Blahniks, and they run really small anyhow. In any event, all I can do my best to provide DealBreaker with the most consistent quality of postings in my power. Really, it's a great honor to be called in to sub for John Cramer.
EP: Yes, right.
BL: Let's try some free association. For the next three questions I am going to give you a word or a phrase. Just give me the first thing that comes into your mind about it. Just the first word. Or phrase. You know how this works.
EP: Do I get to lie back on a couch or something?
BL: No. Not really.
EP: Well arrogance is the big one, of course, they are a large, unwieldy group with massive egos. You've got Schwarzman's birthday, you've got the IPO that almost exactly called the top of the market, you've got an amazing culture of superiority when it comes even to other finance professionals...
BL: Uh, Equity?
EP: You have this ongoing sense that they think they can expand into any industry, any asset class...
BL: Hey, EP?
EP: ...do PIPE transactions, invest in commodities...
BL: EP, it was supposed to be one word or phrase.
BL: Just one. Seriously. It will be ok.
BL: Great! See, that was easy.
EP: Yeah, uh, ok.
BL: Henry Kravis.
EP: James Carville. No-- James Carville's vomit.
EP: Oh yes. I was 15. I had never kissed a boy before. We were out at the country house and this huge, blueish white full moon was hanging in the sky over the field. It was amazing, we had been looking for four leafed clovers all day before, after riding all day, and no one rang the dinner bell for some reason. Anyhow, it was cool out, the air, you know, prickly on the skin and... oh, wait... one word right?
BL: Well, you know, exceptions are ok.
EP: No, no. Sorry. I don't want to break the rules.
BL: I'm sure it will be ok just this once.
EP: Well, I need to be getting to work anyhow.
BL: No, really, come on. I'm sure our readers would like to hear your association.
EP: Well, sure, but let me review this DCF first.
BL: Okay, well, we are going to leave comments open so readers can ask their own questions for you to answer tonight?
EP: As long as they aren't about what animal I would be.