How To Think About, And Work Around, Antiquated Values Regarding Bribes

Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Fidelity agreed yesterday to pay $8 million to makes claims that members of its staff accepted improper gifts from brokers go away. We find the fact the firm neither admitted nor denied any wrongdoing (I know this is how it works but silence for a sec and go with me) to be tacit indication that the people in charge approved and continue to approve of the Wimbledon tickets, flights on the Concorde, passes to the 1999 Ryder Cup golf tournament, hits of E, and dwarf-featuring bachelor parties bestowed upon 13 current and past employees, including former Magellan fund manager Peter Lynch. And frankly, we could not agree more.
You should be able to use all the resources at your disposal to get your shit done, and if you happen to be on the receiving end of a cigar-filled humidor worth $1,300, good for you. Not so much with the dwarves but we don’t yuck other people’s yums. The only problem is Fidelity’s self-imposed limit on gifts to employees, which is $100. Raise the bar, or drop it all together, and make this business what it should be, which is a free for all. While we’re waiting for the paperwork to go through, take a cue from Blarney, and introduce your clients to the various Times Square peep shows (only cost a quarter, so it would take awhile to butt up against the limit), or the pseudo-straight married men of NJ, who’ll do it for free. At the risk of ending this on a self-serving note, we’ll remind you at this time that DealBreaker has no monetary restrictions on whatever treats you’d like to drop in our laps, which you probably already intuited if you’ve ever observed Don Klarney in the Meat Packing district on a Saturday night.
Fidelity to Pay U.S. To End Case Over Gifts [NYT]

Related