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Pirate Capital Founder's Betrothed To Advise Him On A Few New Positions In Order To Better Retain Clients

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I’m having just as good a time as the next guy writing about fucking hookers but let’s take a quick break from that and talk about love—Pirate Capital founder Tom Hudson is getting married. The lucky lady is Virginia Zampella, who Hudson met on As girlfriends of the pirate are wont to do, Zampella has unofficially appointed herself office manager, with T-bone’s approval.
Allegedly, her first order of business was to get rid of all the women who worked there prior to her being hired/engaged. Next: turn things around at the floundering, 15-large AUM hedge fund. Now, I know what you must be asking yourselves—where does Zampella get off thinking she can “get things back on track” at Pirate, which is what she’s supposedly telling people she plans to do? The answer lies in her prior work experience, which maybe includes being employed as a call girl in New York and Charlotte, and starring in a few adult films. If anything, Virginia runs the risk of classing/smartening the place up a bit too much for the ragtag crew of scallywags, buggerers and alpha destroyers. What’s more, the future Mrs. Hudson #4 has a criminal record (mugshot TK). What I’m getting at is that she’d be probably be more comfortable at a place like GSAM. I’ll make some calls.
Earlier: Yo Ho, Blow the Man Down