Raze the Citi

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You know things are bad when Big Fucking Goon Of A Bank Citi is getting rid of businesses. You might even call it the "end of an era," if you were an account exec with the 'group prone to cliches and excessive exclamation points.

From: someaccountexec@citi.com
To: [redacted]
Sent: Monday, March 17, 2008 12:01 PM
Subject: RE: Citi Home Equity
Importance: High
Hi Guys!
Wanted to give you a HEAD's UP - Citi Home Equity is being officially dissolved later this week. New submissions are still being accepted until tomorrow night (Tuesday at 11:59 PM... so if anyone has anything that they want to get off their desk and submit - NOW is the time to do it.Citi will honor anything that is in the pipeline before Wednesday morning!!! CitiMortgage will not be doing HELOC's or Fixed Rate Seconds (except maybe piggy purchases - not sure of the details at this time) anymore. The official announcement will be out this afternoon after we get told if any of us survive (conference call) to move into other areas of Citi. Bottom line is: Citi is getting out of the Equity business - this includes Retail Channel too. Smith Barney will be the only one able to do some limited equity loans for their account holders and that's about it. End of an era... another casualty.

In other news, all the high school girls with sparkle paint markers we hired last year will be issuing pink slips on Wednesday. You're still getting canned but there'll be hearts over the i's! provided someone can replace their usually pink markers with purple ones. Who's on it? Vikram? Okay. XOXOXO, BFFs.
Apparently this was announced a week ago, but you know how that thick colored paper sticks in the auto mail sorters when you put enough gold star stickers on it. Feel as though we wasted 30 seconds of your time? See Carney for an apology.

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