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This Could've Been You

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Gather 'round everyone and listen close because I'm only going to say this once-- yes, it's really quite a tragedy what's going on over at Bear Stearns. Yes, a lot of people are going to get canned, and yes, there won't be enough summer internships to go around and yes, dollars to donuts, Jimmy Cayne's got a few bad highs coming his way. But let's get a little perspective: few, if any of you are receiving sub-par lap dances. You should count your lucky stars; Stephen Chang didn't have such good fortune. According to a lawsuit filed in Manhattan yesterday afternoon, the securities trader claims he was injured when a stripper doing her thang swiveled too closely, and smacked him in the face with the heel of her shoe. This all happened back in November at the Hot Lap Dance Club, which is a great name for a business and one I’ll be stealing for the hedge fund I plan on starting within the next five years (Hot Lap Dance Club Capital). Unfortunately, the attorney representing the injured party declined to disclose the name of the brokerage fund where the victim works, and there are about a billion Stephen Changs listed on Bloomberg. Ball's in your court.
NYC Trader Files Lawsuit Claiming Lap Dance Injury [AP]