Where Do I Fit Into The Spitzer Story? And: How to Think About Ness-Related Euphemisms for Bareback Rectal-Steamrolling

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I don’t think too many of you will disagree with me when I say you’re psyched that Eliot Spitzer fucked a hooker and got caught. And that’s cool, I don’t begrudge you your satisfaction in seeing the bane of Wall Street’s existence taking it up the A. I imagine it feels pretty good. But I’m envious. I have to write about it, and while it’s a pretty funny story, I don’t have the same personal connection/vendetta. Sure, I was talking with my father earlier, and he reminded me that we stayed at the Mayflower Hotel, where things between Client 9 and Kristen went down, when I was in third grade, along with two of my grandparents, both of whom survived the Holocaust, I guess to try and make me feel better, but that’s not really a big D. Who gives an F? But speaking of A? We just received word that Heidi Fleiss agrees with my theory about what the “basic” but “not safe” sex that Spitz requested entailed. Fleiss told Radar"I'm sure he wanted anal sex without condoms” which is exactly what this girl said circa half past two yesterday afternoon. And suddenly, I’m bursting with pride? I’m P’ing myself on the B? I’m taking the time to consider all the potential jokes to be made at Spitz’s expense by way of 2000’s Billy Eliot, the story of “a talented young boy who becomes torn between his unexpected love of dance and the disintegration of his family?” Yes, yes and hell yes.
Fleiss Advice: Avoiding an Eliot Mess [Radar]

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