Act Now

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Deny it all you want but I know it's been a longstanding fantasy for many of you to be the son (by marriage) of a bankrupt, overly tanned businessman who'd fuck you for a nickel, steals coins that spill out from the one-armed bandits when the blue hairs hit the jackpot in AC, requests gold crowns at the dentist, fetishizes feet, and has never once lost at bocce (for the non-Gasparinos in the group, that's lawn bowling). Today, there's a glimmer of hope that that fantasy could become a reality-- Donald Trump spawn Ivanka is single! She and real estate "mogul"/New York Observer owner Jared Kushner are finished, and rumor has it, she's looking for consolation in the form of a first year analyst. Now's your chance! And if that doesn't work out, Angelo Mozilo has a daughter, as well.
Unattached [NYP]

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