Atrocities Confirmed

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A couple weeks ago, we received a tip so perverse we almost didn’t put it up on the site. You remember what it was: “Goldman just cut free water/soda for employees.” The very thought of Goldman Sachs not offering freebies to its already handsomely compensated employees who could easily afford to buy their own Coke/drink from the tap made us all sick to our stomachs. But we got through it, together, because we deluded ourselves into to believing the whole thing was a baseless rumor spread by LEH, eager to start a bear raid so they could scoop up GS on the cheap (or, more plausibly, by Cayne and O'Neal from Maury Povitch's mom’s basement, originating from a mean bout of cotton mouth. “Goldman, man, those fuckers wouldn't give us a drink if we were dying in the Sahara and they were out dune-buggying and needed to take a leak.”) Today, the Post shattered that hope, confirming that Goldman removed the “drink bins” scattered around the trading floors at 85 Broad and 1NYP (they also confirmed our tip about GS London scaling back car service hours).
Now we’re back to where we started, devastated and crying inconsolably on the bathroom floor, shouting “Why, God, why?”* But that’s not going to get us anywhere, and it’s not going to get the previously free bottled water and soda down those Goldmanites’ throats, now is it? We’ve got to get serious and we’ve got to have a plan. This is what we propose: you guys buy their drinks for them. This is how it’ll play out—you send a check or money order each week to the DealBreaker office, we’ll go to Costco or something and buy the drinks, and then Carney will rent a van, stop off at the various offices in need, and pass out the beverages (dressed as a candy striper, if that’s something people are interested in). And everything will be as it should. Before we go buy him a costume, though, let’s get an idea of how many of you would be into this great humanitarian cause:
*This image is slightly misleading in that this is how you’ll find Carney on any given morning. But today, his tears factor in Goldman’s pain.

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